HOLY SPIRIT (reflections on lectures, wk 2)

I asked God for something absurd, off the table, impossible... and he just smiled.

“I want you to ask me for something absurd and then I want to show you how I delight in giving you good things,” God told me. “Don’t be timid. Ask me for something that you think is off the table.”

“I don’t know what to ask for,” I replied.

“What would make you happy?” he asked.

I took my time in thinking about it.

The first thing that came to mind surprised me. But as I thought about it, I realized that what I really wanted from God was a note. Like, a handwritten note, on paper, from him to me.

Yeah, absurd. I hesitated to even tell him because… If I was honest, I didn’t really believe he could do it. Or, I didn’t believe he WOULD do it.

Because… I know God can do anything.

But surely, he wouldn’t care enough about little old Abby to bother making me a handwritten note.

And besides… how would that work?

Knowing my thoughts (as he always does), he nudged me to speak them.

“Do you trust me?” he asked. I sensed a smile on his voice.

“Honestly?” I said back. “I’m not sure yet. I hope so. I’m scared of being let down or hoping too much, because I know what it feels like to be disappointed.”

I put the thought away, braced myself for disappointment, and waited. For the rest of the week, it never left the back of my mind. I was on the lookout for a note from God. I didn’t tell ANYBODY about this. If I got a note, I wanted to be SURE it was God, and not somebody else doing it for me.

I was expectant. Part of me felt excitement at this challenge… this big ASK I’d asked the Lord. The ball was in his court. I was ready to see if he would hold up his end of the deal. I had some kind of ridiculous bold faith that it would happen, even though my brain screamed that this was stupid, to not let myself hope, because I was just going to be disappointed.

(You probably can see where this is going).

It was about a week later; lectures during Holy Spirit week. We had an exercise in hearing God’s voice. We were told to ask God for a ‘word’ for somebody, and to write it down.

(When we say a ‘word’ for somebody, it simply means asking God “What are you speaking to this person?” then you listen for him to speak, and share what you hear him say. A beautiful way the Holy Spirit can use us to encourage each other.)

We were told to write it down however we liked. Reference a verse, write a poem, draw a picture, etc.

Oh yes, I should mention, we weren’t told who our ‘words’ were for. That would be revealed once we were finished.

I felt strongly that I should write down the word in the form of a letter from God, to whomever he was speaking it to. I wrote what I heard, folded it, waited to hear who to give it to.

Didn’t give a lot of thought to what I’d written, since it was for somebody else.

You can imagine my shock when the teacher announced, “The word you wrote is for yourself. Go back and read it. What is the Lord speaking to you?”

We become better givers when we learn to receive.

I sat there, staring at the letter folded in my hand.

Remembered my conversation with God the week before.

I unfolded the paper, read the words fresh. They hit. “My dear child,” it began.

I was somewhere between laughter and tears.

My trust in the Lord was taken one step forward.

The thing that made the most impact on me, however, was the feeling of God sitting there with me as I read, a big old smile on his face, as I let myself be loved by him.

As I let myself believe that he could actually delight in me, and want to give me good things.

Even absurd things.

Even a handwritten letter.

Respectfully, what the heck, Jesus.

This week of lectures laid a foundation for the rest of DTS. I discovered a new closeness and intimacy with the Holy Spirit I didn’t know was possible in day-to-day life.

There’s a lot, obviously, that I could write about these lecture weeks. Dozens of pages of notes. But more than information, what I want to communicate is how the Lord used these weeks to transform me. Step by step, deeper and deeper, closer and closer to his heart. All of this was so gradual. At the moment, it felt like nothing was happening. But looking back now, I’m able to see how all the moments shaped me.

If you’ve never experienced a closeness with the Holy Spirit like I’m describing…. It’s not just for me. This is available to you, too. What would it look like in your life to make space, to invite him to come close? You might be surprised at how he shows up. Let him come near, and see how the whole interior of your life can transform because of it.